Interview with Tammar Stein—Author of Light Years and High Dive

When my book club with my daughter Madeleine read Light Years by Tammar Stein, the timing was great. The girls had been in high school for a year and were looking ahead to college. This story of a young woman who leaves her native Israel to attend college in the U.S. introduced them to the possibilities of what their lives would be like when they left home to go away to a university. The main character, Maya, is fleeing memories of her boyfriend killed by a suicide bomber and the guilt she feels that she may have been the one to push the bomber to his action. As the story takes place in Maya’s present and her past, we all learned a lot about life in Israel as well as on a college campus. We had a great discussion about cultural differences between our countries, the concept of spending two years in service to your country after high school, and finding a way to continue on with your life in the aftermath of personal tragedy.

I have not read Tammar’s other book High Dive, yet. But reading the publisher’s description made me add it to our possible choices for Catherine’s book club. Either way, I can’t wait to read it myself.

“Arden has a plane ticket to Sardinia to say goodbye to her family’s beloved vacation home after her father’s sudden death and her mother’s deployment to Iraq as an army nurse. Lonely for her father and petrified for her mother’s safety, Arden dreads her trip to the house in Sardinia—the only place that has truly felt like home to her. So when she meets a group of fun, carefree, and careless friends on their summer break, she decides to put off her trip and join them to sample the sights and culinary delights of Europe. Soon they are climbing the Eiffel Tower, taking in the French countryside on a train chugging toward the Alps, and gazing at Michelangelo’s David in Florence, all the while eating gelato and sipping cappuccino. Arden tries to forget about the danger her mom faces every day, to pretend she’s just like the rest of the girls, flirting with cute European guys and worried only about where to party next.
But the house in Sardinia beckons and she has to make a choice. Is Arden ready to jump off the high dive?”

Tammar graciously answered my questions by email from her home in Florida. Here’s my interview with her:

Q. Can you tell us a little bit about your background and how you decided to become a writer?

TS: Basically, I love to read. I will read anything, anytime, anywhere. When I was in high school and trying to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up, I figured that I couldn’t be a reader and be paid for it. Being a novelist seemed like the next best thing.

Q. I know you’ve lived in several countries and different states as well. Do you have one place you long to go back to and live there again?

TS: When I lived in Europe, after a couple of years I was very homesick. I missed the US and a lot of the cultural difference that I found cute when I arrived, I suddenly found very irritating. That’s when I knew it was time to come home. But now that I’ve been back in the States for seven years, I’m ready for a new international adventure.

Q. What do you like about living in Florida, and do you think you’ll be on the move again anytime soon?

I love Florida, especially now in November. The high is 82 today! From late October through late April is just amazing here. The orange trees are heavy with fruit and in February their blossoms fill the air the most amazing scent.

Q. In Light Years, Maya leaves her native Israel after her boyfriend is killed by a suicide bomber to attend college in the U.S. How easy or difficult was it for you to write about two very different cultures?

TS: It was fun! People from different cultures will notice things that long time residents just take for granted. It’s very illuminated to talk with a foreigner, their different point of view and reference points can make you question the status quo. As a novelist, bringing in a stranger can help showcase things that otherwise would be awkward to bring up.

Q. What do you see are some of the biggest cultural differences between life in the two countries?

TS: Well in some ways they’re very similar– progressive and Western. Israelis are more likely to speak their mind, there’s less polite lip-service. There’s a very strong culture of hospitality there, as well. If you’re ever invited to an Israeli’s home, you can count on a huge spread—more food that you can possibly eat and a lot of fussing over you.

Q. In Israel, two years of service to the state after high school is mandatory. Do you think that idea would ever work here in the U.S.? What do you see as the biggest advantages and disadvantages of mandatory service?

TS: We all cherish the things we worked hardest for. Being forced to take care of your country, to give up your time and energy and really dedicate yourself to making your country a better, safer place will make people love their country more in the end. I also think that putting off college for 2 years is a good thing. A lot of people just aren’t ready for serious study and a break from high school is just the thing they need for perspective and maturity. The military teaches you discipline and leadership, both are needed qualities for success.

That said, I like the European model for mandatory service better. You can choose between going into the military or civil service: teaching in schools, working in hospitals, or national parks. The military really isn’t for everyone, this would give everyone a chance to go where they can really shine.

Q. Maya is a strong, independent character in many ways. Do you see a lot of yourself in her?

TS: I don’t know. I think there’s something of me in every character—they came from my brain after all. Maybe the best way to think of it is that Maya is who I could have been if I had made different choices in my life. But so is Arden (from High Dive) and the two of them are very different.

Q. What kind of research did you conduct for Light Years?

TS: I interviewed IDF members, particularly women. I visited Israel several times. And I read what I could get my hands on regarding Israeli/Palestinian relations, suicide bombers, and grief counseling.

Q. Your second book, High Dive, also features a main character who doesn’t want to face tragic events in her life. What do you hope to convey to readers about moving beyond tragedy to create a life after an event?

TS: It’s a hard thing to do. That’s what I find so fascinating about it. Julia Glass once said that all great novels deal with the same thing: the heart in conflict with itself. I completely agree with that. How do you get over something traumatic? How do you forgive yourself? How do you trust in the future? Maya and Arden both stumble, making their way through those minefields. I think everyone has to find their own way, but friendship and love always help.

Q. Is there anything else you’d like to say to MotherDaughter Book Club.com readers?

TS: Read! There’s nothing as wonderful as a good book, except a good book you can discuss with your loved ones.

 

Visit Tammar Stein’s website for more information about her and her books.

Celebrate Teen Read Week with a Good Teen Book

Today marks the start of Teen Read Week, which is sponsored by the American Library Association. If you’re looking for inspiration for good titles for teens, you can check out the 2009 Teens’ Top Ten and top ten books from past years on the ALA’s site. There are several books on the list I’d really like to check out soon.

The Teen Read Week theme this year is “Read Beyond Reality,” so I thought I would offer a few books that I can recommend along those lines.

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie. I’m even more a fan of this writer after I heard him speak at Wordstock in Portland. In Absolutely True Diary Alexie brings readers into the reality of the Spokane Indian Reservation. My review.

The Fetch by Laura Whitcomb. Enter the reality of the being sent to Earth to fetch souls as they are leaving their bodies in death. Then go along with hi as he takes a journey into the world of the Russia during the days of the revolution in the early 1900s. My review.

Getting the Girl by Markus Zusak takes you into the mind of Cameron Wolfe, who longs to show the girl his brother dumped that he loves her. My review.

Goth Girl Rising by Barry Lyga takes us into Kyra’s world of goth girls and graphic novels. My review.

Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones is a total fantasy world, where castle doors open into new kingdoms. My review.

I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith. Find out what it’s like to live in a crumbling castle in the English countryside. My review.

North of Beautiful by Justina Chen Headley. What would it be like to live with a birthmark covering much of your face? My review.

The Real Real by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus. Find out about the reality of reality TV shows. My review.

Songs for a Teenage Nomad

Songs for a Teenage Nomad by Kim Culbertson. Callie finds solace through music as she moves from town to town with her mother. My review.

Torched by April Henry. What would it be like to be part of an eco-terrorist group? My review.

Reading through the summer blahs

We’ve made it half-way through the girls’ summer vacation, and I can tell that lethargy is setting in.   Not just with the girls, who seem to be harder to wake up every morning, but also with me.  Just responding to emails seems to be quite an accomplishment, and I have to work hard to even look at my to do list. It’s even harder to finish the tasks I set aside for myself each day.

But it is summer after all, so I’m giving myself permission to read more every day and treating that like an accomplishment. I also read to Madeleine every day, and I’m very aware of the fleeting time I have left to do that with her. She starts college at the end of September, so what time I do have with her is precious. Even at her age it’s still a great way to broach subjects that we wouldn’t normally bring up in everyday conversation.

I have not been reading to Catherine yet, but I’d like to start soon. I think she’s ready for The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, and I can’t wait to share it with her. We have all of August to read before we start on our next book club book, which is North of Beautiful by Justina Chen Headley.

There’s still so much of summer to look forward to.

Book Giveaway and Review of Because I Love Her

Book giveaway closed; check this blog post for the winners and thanks for commenting.

In honor of Mother’s Day on Sunday, I have two copies to give away of this great new anthology about mothers and daughters called Because I Love Her, edited by Andrea Richesin. To enter, please check out my review and interview with the editor, then leave a comment at the end of this post by the end of the day Saturday telling us something you love about your mother or your daughter.

The mother-daughter bond is complex. As daughters, we may strive to be more like our mothers, or we may cast off both the implicit and explicit things our mothers taught us. As mothers, we may want different things for our daughters than we had growing up, and we may celebrate the diversity to be had through generations of women passing down their wisdom. No matter our relationships with our mothers, they almost always leave a gaping hole in our hearts when they are gone.

In her new anthology, Because I Love Her, editor Andrea N. Richesin weaves together a collection of essays by women writers who explore that mother-daughter relationship in all its complexities. The writers candidly talk about the effect their mothers had on their lives as well as their own hopes and aspirations for their daughters. They celebrate the emotional highs and lows that come from such intimate knowledge of each other—knowledge than can help to build us up or tear us down.

The collection includes essays written by well-known authors, such at Jacquelyn Mitchard, Joyce Maynard, Susan Wiggs and Karen Karbo., as well as emerging voices.

Because I Love Her may be most appropriate for a mother-daughter book club with daughters who are in high school, but even more, I think it’s a wonderful anthology to keep in your permanent library. I imagine pulling it off the shelf every few months to reread an essay or two.  I plan to give a copy to my mother for Mother’s Day, and I’m also putting it on my gift list for many of my female friends. I highly recommend it.

Editor Nicki Richesin generously shared her time answering a few questions for readers at Mother Daughter Book Club. Here’s the interview:

MDBC: How did you decide to put together an anthology of women writing about their mothers and daughters?

NR: After I had my daughter, I wanted to create a book about mothers and daughters and this fascinating, complicated relationship they share. I think after her birth, I finally recognized for the first time what it means to be a mother. A mother’s love means devotion, selflessness, sacrifice and of course, so much more. So I decided to ask my contributors “What would you tell your mother or daughter if you could tell her anything?” They’re so many things we’re not willing to say out loud or confess to ourselves. I thought wouldn’t it be freeing to finally confess them. For some of the contributors, it’s too late. Their mothers have passed away and they missed their chance. For them, writing their essays was really an opportunity to finally express how they felt about their mothers.

MDBC: What were you looking for when seeking women to contribute essays?

NR: The short answer is: talent and the courage to share their private lives. I was lucky to have a network of writers to draw from in my first anthology THE MAY QUEEN. I approached a number of writers I had long admired and wanted to include in TMQ like Anne Marie Feld (I devotedly read her journal on Babycenter.com each week when I was pregnant with my own daughter) Tara Bray Smith (I adored her memoir West of Then) Katrina Onstad (I was a fan of her writing in the National Post) and Kaui Hart Hemmings (I gobbled up her short story collection and thought The Descendents was absolutely brilliant).
I was excited to feature new talents like Katherine Center and Lucia Orth. I also enjoyed working with heavyweights like Jacquelyn Mitchard, Karen Joy Fowler, and Susan Wiggs. It was very humbling and inspiring to work with all of the writers.

MDBC: What would you say makes this collection of essays stand out?

NR: All of the contributors were incredibly brave in exposing intimate details from their personal lives. Although it wasn’t easy, and for some it was actually quite painful, they courageously share the truth of their own experiences. I think this anthology is a tribute to how difficult it can be to accept the ones we love the most. The thread that runs throughout the collection is this idea that despite our mothers’ best efforts- whatever they had to deal with- we remain hopeful for them, for our daughters, and ourselves.

MDBC: There are so many aspects of mother-daughter relationships covered in Because I Love Her. Were you surprised that each writer had such a different perspective on the topic?

NR: Not at all. In fact, I had hoped to provide a vast array of perspectives. I would have been very disappointed if they had shared the same experiences. I wouldn’t say the content has surprised me, but the public’s reaction has floored me. Although I knew the writings are powerful, I was amazed by the audience’s response at our recent readings. I found it touching they were so deeply moved in this way by their work. One woman bravely shared how the anthology resonated with her. She confessed that her mother had been an alcoholic and she still felt trapped in her sixteen-year-old relationship with her- angry and confused. She broke down weeping with the memory of wanting so desperately to love her mother and it just proved once again how powerful this connection can truly be.

MDBC: What are you most happy about in the way the collection came together?

NR: I’ve been absolutely thrilled by our readers’ response to the work and how moved they’ve been by it. It has been a great honor to work with such amazing writers and come to know a few of them personally. I really wanted to create a collection that showed the true nature of the mother-daughter bond and I think, in the end, I achieved that goal. I hope the book accomplishes two things. 1.) I hope women will discover who their mothers truly are and 2.) It will open a dialogue between mothers and daughters, especially estranged ones.

MDBC: I understand you’re working on a father-daughter anthology. Can you tell us a bit about that and when we can expect to see it in print?

NR: WHAT I WOULD TELL HER: 30 MALE WRITERS ON THE FATHER-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP will be available May 2010, just in time for Father’s Day. I’ve been overwhelmed by the powerful writing I have read thus far. This father-daughter connection is so important to little girls in forming their own identities and of course, it sets the standard for all of their relationships with men going forward. I have seen this with my own daughter- how much she looks to my husband for guidance. In my mind, fathers are the most important men in their daughters’ lives. I think fathers feel a strong need to protect and defend their daughters- a warrior impulse, maybe. Men also worship their daughters in a very sweet and tender way.

MDBC: Is there anything else you would like to share with readers of Mother-Daughter Book Club?

NR: When we did events in the San Francisco bay area, I saw firsthand how deeply this book has moved the readers. We’ve had readings, in which women were weeping and had to pass around a box of Kleenex. This is a stirring topic and can bring up unresolved issues for women. It can make them face their regrets, but also offers redemption. We all love our mothers, no matter what pressures they faced, we can forgive them and honor them this Mother’s Day. Thank you for this opportunity to share my thoughts on the anthology with your readers!

Nicki Richesin is the editor of four anthologies, Because I Love Her: 34 Women Writers Reflect on the Mother-Daughter Bond; What I Would Tell Her: 30 Male Writers on the Father-Daughter Relationship (May 2010); the forthcoming Crush: Real-life Tales of First Love Gone Wrong by our Best Young Adult Novelists; and The May Queen: Women on Life, Work, and Pulling it all Together in your Thirties. Her anthologies have been excerpted and praised in The New York Times, the San Francisco Chronicle, Redbook, Parenting, Cosmopolitan, Bust, Daily Candy, and Babble. She lives with her husband and daughter in northern California. For more about Nicki and her anthologies, visit www.nickirichesin.com.

Book Review – Revolutionary Road

Madeleine and I read Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates for our book club in March. We thought it would be a good idea to read the book and then see the movie, but once we finished the book no one was up for the film. We didn’t expect it to be happy, but we also didn’t expect it to be so depressing either.

We believed Revolutionary Road would give us insight into suburban life in the 1950s, and we would be able to talk about the roles men and women felt compelled to assume in that era. We looked forward to a discussion and comparison of how those roles differed today as well as ways they may still be the same.

Reading the book, however, we were each struck by how the story was more about a lack of maturity, morality, and inner fortitude of the characters themselves than it was about the time they lived in. From the beginning April and Frank seemed to have no interest in putting work into forming a lasting relationship and marriage with children. It was as though they never transformed from thinking only of themselves when they were single, to thinking of the needs of each other and especially of their children. The children in the story were mostly forgotten and emotionally neglected.

Frank deciding to have an affair summed up so many of the character flaws we saw in both of them. He had an affair because he could. Why not, he reasoned. And that’s where we see a difference with someone who is more mature and committed to a marriage.

While we did have a great discussion about character, we thought Frank and April would have made the similar poor choices whichever era they lived in, because they were both very self-focuesd. Maybe our error was assuming it was a story more about the times the characters lived in than the characters themselve. Either way, we won’t be seeing the movie.

Book Review—The Year of My Miraculous Reappearance by Catherine Ryan Hyde

Thirteen-year-old Cynnie can take care of herself, which is a good thing since her mom is usually drunk and often passed out on the couch. Cynnie can take care of her three-year-old brother, Bill, too. Bill has Down Syndrome, and Cynnie knows he loves her because her name is the only word he can say. But when Cynnie’s mom, Rita, asks her parents to come and take Bill, life starts to spiral out of control for Cynnie. Even though she has vowed that she would never be like her mother, without Bill keeping her grounded she starts to drink as well. Her choices lead to trouble in school and in the courts. Can she find a way to work herself out of her troubles and into a future with greater possibilities?

The Year of My Miraculous Reappearance by Catherine Ryan Hyde is a touching story that takes the reader inside the life of addiction from the unusual perspective of a teen girl. It shows how addiction affects everyone in a family, but it also shows what it takes to work your way out of the downward spiral, one step at a time. Cynnie is vulnerable, courageous, tenacious, and resourceful. From the outside, she looks and acts like many teens, while she hides her reality from friends and teachers. The choices she makes, and their consequences, should provide great discussion for a mother-daughter book club with girls in middle school and older.

Book Review of A Regular Guy: Growing Up With Autism; Conversation with the author Laura Shumaker

I’m happy to review a new memoir by Laura Shumaker called A Regular Guy: Growing Up With Autism. Shumaker’s story will resonate with many parents, whether they are raising a child with autism or one of it’s related condtions, or even if they are raising a child with any special needs. Here is my review of the book followed by a question and answer with the author.

Laura Shumaker brings us inside the world of a parent who is raising a son with autism in her heartfelt memoir, A Regular Guy: Growing Up With Autism. When Matthew was born, Shumaker and her husband marveled over their perfect baby and looked forward to watching him grow. But as he grew into a toddler, the Shumakers became concerned about developmental delays they noticed, and they questioned his pediatrician.

It took many frustrating visits to many physicians before Matthew was diagnosed with autism, and even then the Shumakers were given conflicting advice on what to do for him. Any parent who has ever struggled to get an accurate diagnosis for a child will feel the frustration Shumaker feels of knowing something is not right, yet being unable to get helpful medical advice.

As Matthew grows up, Shumaker works to make sure he feels as normal as possible, while also raising her younger two sons as well. She and her husband, Peter, try different treatments and therapies, at great cost to their finances and their emotions. Through it all Shumaker never stops trying to do what’s best for the whole family.

Shumaker’s story is an inspiring tale of a mother who never gives up on her son. She tells it straightforward, not asking for sympathy, but for understanding. Anyone who is raising a child with autism or has a relative with autism should be able to relate to her quest to help her son eventually be an independent adult. Anyone who is touched by autism in any way, at school or church or another community gathering place, will be able to learn more about the condition and possibly be more understanding of people who have it.

I highly recommend A Regular Guy for mother-daughter book clubs that may want to explore autism as it relates to everyone in a family.

A Conversation with Laura Shumaker

MDBC: Your story about raising a son with autism is very moving as well as informative. What prompted you to write a book about your experience?
LS: I never thought about writing my story while I was raising Matthew—I was so overwhelmed with taking care of his needs AND the needs of my other two sons. I’m sure that all moms with special needs children can relate! But when Matthew was 15 his behavior in school and in our community took a dangerous turn—and my husband came to the heartbreaking conclusion that we needed to send him to a residential school.

Friends and family who had seen me struggle with him over the years thought I might be relieved, but instead I felt lost, like I was a failure of a mother, and I decided to write about it. A friend encouraged me to join her writing group and I was hooked!!

MDBC: Getting a diagnosis of autism for Matthew was difficult; do you think it is easier for parents to have a child diagnosed today than it was in the 1980s?
LS: When Matthew was young, it was so obvious that he was autistic, but we didn’t even get a formal diagnosis until he was five or six! It is so much easier to get a diagnosis today! Pediatricians are screening infants starting at eight months old. Parents are also better informed with all of the information online. There are many more tried and true early intervention programs that help children on the autism spectrum learn and connect.

MDBC: Do you think treatment is more effective now than it was then?
LS: Yes! With the treatment and therapies available these days, outcomes for autistic children are so much more helpful. There is a heightened awareness these days about autism and other developmental disabilities; people are so much more willing to be inclusive.

As quirky as Matthew is, he has so much to offer and watching him try to be a “regular guy” has moved us as a family to appreciate the differences in others. And we have also developed a great sense of humor! My sons Andy and John, now 20 and 16, have grown into compassionate and patient young men (with INCREDIBLE senses of humor). We are so lucky.

MDBC: Can you share with us one overriding piece of advice about raising a child with autism you wish you would have had when Matthew was growing up?
LS: The best thing I did for myself (and I would have done it earlier if I’d known it would be so helpful) was find a great therapist. When Matthew was little, I tried to hide the anguish and hopelessness I felt from my parents (who were a great support, by the way) and my husband. I wanted everyone to think I had everything under control, but eventually I fell apart. I started getting sick all of the time, was anxious and wasn’t sleeping.

The therapist encouraged me to share my load—to find helpers and mentors who could work and play with Matthew so that I could get a break. She encouraged me to enjoy time with my other two sons and with my husband. Many moms enjoy group therapy, but I found a one on one therapist to be the best solution for me.

MDBC: What advice do you have for siblings of a child with autism?
LS: What siblings really want and need is time with their parents. So much time and energy goes into the care of a sibling with a disability. I encourage kids to ask their parents for one-on-one outings with their parents–regularly. Siblings need to speak up when they are feeling overlooked! Sibling groups are also very helpful (they call them “sib groups”). It’s really great for siblings to get together with OTHER siblings to tell stories and VENT!!

MDBC: Can you recommend resources on the Web where friends and extended family of someone with autism can learn more about ways they can be supportive?
LS: My Web site of course! www.laurashumaker.com. On the right side of my site there is a long list of autism information sites. One of the best links on my Web site is for autism speaks (www.autismspeaks.org).

That said, the best way that family and friends can be helpful and supportive is to ask questions. “What can I do to help? What is the best way I can communicate with your child? What does he/she like or dislike? How can I educate other family and friends about your child?” And of course the best question, “Can I take your child off your hands for a few hours?”

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss—Read Across America

Each year the National Education Association sponsors Read Across America day in honor of Dr. Seuss’s birthday. The idea is to encourage caring adults to read to a child. Mother-daughter book clubs are all about reading to children, and today is a great day spend a little time reading your next book selection to your daughter. I’ll be reading Sense and Sensability by Jane Austen to Catherine, and Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates to Madeleine. For more information about the event, visit the NEA’s Web site.

Book Give-away—The Only True Genius in the Family

For the last couple of days i’ve been featuring author Jennie Nash and her new book, The Only True Genius in the Family. The book is great for mother-daughter book clubs with girls in high school and for adults.

Thanks to Nash and her publisher, Berkley Publishing, 10 copies of The Only True Genius in the Family will go to readers of Mother Daughter Book Club.com. To enter, send me an email at info@motherdaughterbookclub.com listing your name, city and state, and tell me how you think art plays a role in your life. Enter by Thursday, February 26 at 5 p.m. Pacific time. Winners will be chosen and posted on Friday morning.

Read the review with the author’s Q and A here.

Read Nash’s essay about what it feels like to have your daughter read your work here.

You can also visit Nash’s Web site for more information about the author and her other books.

Reading as Refuge

My kitchen remodel started two days ago, and already I can tell I’m going to read a lot more during the next two months of hammering and sawing. Since I work at home, I can’t easily escape the chaos going on just down the hall, even with the door to my office closed. By 5 p.m., when the workers leave, my nerves are in sore need of a little calming influence. That’s when it helps me to read. My daughters are usually quietly doing homework at that time, and I have just a little time before I have to start dinner.

Yesterday I curled up on the family room couch (now in our living room which is shrouded in plastic) and read Stubborn Twig, the Everybody Reads selection for the Multnomah County library this year. It was just the antidote I needed to get rid of my headache, get my energy back and gear up for making dinner in my makeshift kitchen/laundry room.

If I make a habit out of this, I may just survive the remodel without losing my temper with my husband, my kids and the cat. Sounds like a great excuse to me.